wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
