When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
