We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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