The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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