I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
