Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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