I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
