you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
