if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
