ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize