There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
