Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
