I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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