I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
