hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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