just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
