He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
