You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
