You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
