I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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