i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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