hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and she was petting her beer can
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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