I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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