Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
