Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
