I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize