I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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