Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
