before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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