Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
