Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
