marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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