She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize