i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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