When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
