What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
