she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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