Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
