Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
