He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
