Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can vaginas get frostbite?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
