Can i not drive my cunt home
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
