i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
