They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
