is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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