that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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