i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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