Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
