I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
