I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize