Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
