ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
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