These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
