For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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