My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
