the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
