people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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