This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
