Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize