theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
