I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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