it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
