Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
