fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
